|
Acts of hate
As parents, we share a double burden in our struggle to cope with the recent horrors inflicted by
terrorists. Not only must we cope with our own grief, fears, and anger -- we have to find ways to help
our children cope as well.
By now we have probably grappled with our children's initial fears, questions, and concerns.
But our difficult task is only beginning. As America's focus shifts from rescue to retaliation in the
wake of the September 11 acts of terrorism, it's essential for all of us to talk with our children about discrimination and stereotyping. Above all, we don't want to foment hate in young minds and hearts. After all, it's hate that caused this disaster in the first place. Each day brings reports from all over the world of attacks on innocent people of Arab descent, Muslims, people who wear turbans or chador, or who look, even remotely, to be of Middle Eastern or South Asian ethnicity.
How children learn prejudice
Unfortunately, children learn prejudice at an early age. They learn from media images of good guys and bad guys, and from their own experience of who lives in their neighborhood. Even 2-year-olds are aware of physical differences among people and absorb societal values about ethnic and religious groups. Without intervention from the adults around them, by the age of 8, prejudice may begin to crystallize; by the age of 12 most children have absorbed stereotypes of the whole range of ethnic and religious groups.
Children need to learn to differentiate between hate and anger. Anger -- even rage -- is an important component of our response to being violated. But the anger must not be mutated into hatred toward the people of an entire nation or religion or ethnic group. There are many things we can do, in the short term, and throughout our lives, to prevent hatred in children.
What you can do right now:
Make it clear that the September 11 acts of terrorism were committed by a group of people, not by all the members of a particular ethnicity or religion.
Let your children know that there are many good, kind people among all nations, ethnicities, and religions. At the same time, people who commit acts of violence come from every country, ethnic group, and religion.
When you witness discriminatory acts, it's best to deal with them, rather than hope your children didn't notice. If at all possible, respond to the remarks or images directly. Children learn courage from their parents and you are giving them a great gift if you defend not just yourselves, but other people who are the objects of hatred. For instance, if you hear prejudicial remarks made on the news, tell your children that you disagree and the reasons why. Let them know that you think it's wrong to make generalizations about any group of people.
If you are spiritually inclined, you can attend interfaith services as a family, showing children that people of all faiths are united in horror at terrorism and concern for its victims. You can also attend secular memorial services that reach out across all ethnic lines.
Talk about the fact that people of many different ethnicities and religions were hurt or killed in the September 11 attacks.
Discuss other acts of terrorism with older children. The perpetrators of the Oklahoma bombings -- another attack against Americans -- were Americans of European descent. In addition, blame was immediately and wrongly assigned to people from the Middle East.
What you can do in the long term
Take a look at your own biases and prejudices -- we all have different ones. Try alone, and by talking with others, to get beyond your own sets of stereotypes. We can only help children cope with racism and prejudice if we understand and try to overcome our own.
Do whatever you can to lead a multicultural life. The best way to debunk stereotypes is to have a personal experience of them being wrong.
Make an effort to learn the significance of traditions -- including the food, clothing, and rituals -- from cultures around the world. Sharing your interests and understanding with children will help them appreciate similarities and differences among people whose ethnicity or religion differs from their own.
Fill your homes and classrooms with multicultural art and literature. Attend multicultural dance and music programs. Make an effort to find picture books and juvenile fiction about ethnicities and cultures other than your own.
Encourage your children's schools to implement curricula that promote diversity and counter prejudice.
Identify stereotyping when it occurs in movies, television programs, and on the news. Seek out programs that do a good job of promoting diversity or countering stereotypes.
Continue to speak out against prejudice wherever and whenever you encounter it.
Welcome your children's multicultural friends into your home.
Invite friends from other ethnicities to celebrate your family holidays.
As children get older, talk with them about the complexities of stereotyping and how it leads to hatred. The Japanese internment camps after Pearl Harbor, the Holocaust, and the ethnic cleansing in Bosnia and Rwanda are powerful examples of this phenomenon.
|
Pregnancy
